How to Survive the Holidays, Mama: Permission to Rest, Set Boundaries, and Do What’s Best for Your Family
Written by Guest Blogger Ashley Wright, MPAS, PA-C
Dear Mamas,
We are full blown into the swing of the holiday season of 2025 – and somehow, I am just now sitting down to type out this blog. I get it, mamas. This season is busy. Life with littles is busy. Living with trauma and grief almost feels impossible some days and the holidays only compound that feeling.
My biggest piece of advice is to protect your peace. Protect what little bit of peace you have left to muster and do everything in your power to prioritize yourself and your baby.
If you are full blown in the season of newborn life, it’s okay to ignore others’ attempts to pressure or bully you into into doing something you don’t want to do. If you just want to cocoon in bed (as you should the first 6 weeks after birth, in case no one told you), that is perfectly okay!
As an Emergency Medicine Physician Assistant, I see sick babies every single day. A fever in an infant the first 90 days gets a full-blown work up in the emergency department, so if you choose to keep baby home and keep Aunt Susie’s lips as far away as possible, I support you 100%.
If you choose to visit family (and have the mental and physical energy to do so), here are some ways to protect yourself and baby:
Create clear boundaries (and let your partner know so they can support you). This can include only staying for a short time, not allowing anyone to hold the baby except you and your partner, and asking for a private and quiet place to feed your baby.
Consider letting family know these boundaries ahead of time so there are no surprises, and you’re not put in an uncomfortable position in the moment.
Baby-wear, get breastfeeding-friendly tops and/or bring extra bottles and formula (and clothes- for yourself and baby)!
Say “no” to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Family can hold your newborn if YOU feel okay with it and it does not cause utter panic inside. Holding is okay, but just remember no kissing because cold sores (HSV) and other diseases are easily transmissible to these fragile little immune systems.
I am a survivor of postpartum PTSD, PPD, and PPA, so family events and gatherings used to be a huge source of anxiety and panic for me. As a mama to a late November baby, I can confidently tell you my happiest memories are staying on my rocker all day, watching Christmas movies, nursing, and having extremely limited family contact! I made these choices to keep my mind clear, and I hope you’re also able to make choices that give you the same sense of peace.
If you are juggling the holidays with multiple kids and feeling pulled in a million different directions, do what feels good for you and your family. It’s perfectly okay to prioritize healthy dinner and bedtime instead of staying up late and having sugary treats every night!
Side note: some people might not understand the importance of bedtime routine and consistent bedtimes. Every time my dad visits, he’s ready to stay out late and doesn’t understand our 7pm bedtime, but that is what works for our family. It leads to less meltdowns and wake ups for the girls, which ultimately creates a ripple effect for our entire family.
At the end of the day, we are the magic makers for our children. If you have the energy, make sure to create some fun and magic. Just do it in a way that doesn't deplete your internal resources.
If you are entering this holiday season processing the unimaginable loss of a child or healing from a traumatic birth or experience, I am holding you so close.
Here are a few gentle reminders:
You are allowed to choose YOU.
Do what feels right and okay for you and your family.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel good (in the moment), and where you leave feeling better (not worse).
Start the conversation about the hard thing if you want to talk and honor your experience. Or else set a precedent that you are not ready to talk about it.
When my husband and I were going through difficult things in our past, he told his family privately that I was not ready to talk about these topics, and it was just simply avoided. It worked for me because I was still able to get out of the house, see family, and avoided bursting into tears in front of everyone.
Remember, YOU get to choose…
To be around family, or
To stay home and avoid family gatherings, or
To spend the day crafting, making your favorite holiday recipe, or singing music as loud as possible with tears running down your face, or
To honor your loss or trauma in whatever way you need.
Only you know what you need to process your grief. Do not let anyone near you who will make it feel any worse.
You are in charge of your life and your happiness. Protect your peace.
As hectic and stressful the holidays are – at the end of the day – there is only 1 of us and we need to protect her at all costs.
Love,
Ashley Wright
Just a PA Mom | Patient & Policy Advocate for Maternal Trauma Support
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Guest Author: Ashley Wright, MPAS, PA-C
Ashley Wright is a Nationally Certified Physician Assistant in Emergency Medicine for the past 10 years. She has worked in PA education and, most importantly, is a mama to two special little girls. She is fiercely passionate about this work because of her own struggles with maternal mental health and birth trauma. In addition to her clinical work and teaching, she advocates for better maternal mental health laws, accesibility, trauma awareness and policy enforcement.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/justapamom/
About the Trauma-Informed Maternal Health Directory
Liz Gray, LCSW and Olivia Verhulst, LMHC, PMH-C— co-founders of the Trauma-Informed Maternal Health Directory— are clinical psychotherapists with a deep passion for increasing accessibility of trauma-informed care to the maternal health population.
They created this specialized directory to connect women & birthing people to trauma-informed health & mental health providers who specialize in infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, and new parenthood.
Search the directory: https://directory.maternaltraumasupport.com/
Interested in writing a guest blog post?
If you are a trauma-informed provider who works with the perinatal population, submit a blog proposal HERE!
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