Let's Talk About Sex! Normalizing The Conversation About Pregnancy and Postpartum Sex and Intimacy
Written by Guest Blogger Leah Wright, LCSW, PMH-C
Let's Talk About Sex! Normalizing The Conversation About Pregnancy and Postpartum Sex and Intimacy
From Taboo to Truth: Rewriting the Narrative Around Sex
Sex is often a taboo topic, especially in older generations. Even in “sex education,” when it was offered, the information felt limited and fear-based. Many of us grew up hearing that if you have sex, “you will get pregnant and your life will be ruined.” The messaging centered around one thing: avoid pregnancy. What was rarely discussed was that sex can also be about pleasure, connection, and self-care.
As adults, we learn that sex is more complex. Some struggle to conceive despite trying, while others feel intense pressure around pregnancy. When sex becomes tied only to “get pregnant or don’t get pregnant,” it loses its nuance. So what happens when someone is trying to conceive, is pregnant, or is postpartum? Sex can suddenly feel confusing again. It may feel taboo, mechanical, pressured, or disconnected.
There is enormous pressure to “snap back” and return to “normal” after birthing a human. But what is normal? After pregnancy and birth, there is anxiety, exhaustion, hormonal shifts, identity changes, and often a deep sense of being touched out. Many birthing individuals are still getting to know their new bodies and may not feel sexy at all. Avoidance can creep in, shame can grow, and couples can begin to feel isolated from one another. It is important to say clearly: this is normal.You are not broken.
Desire Across the Trimesters
Pregnancy itself brings waves of change. When couples first decide to conceive, intimacy can feel exciting and connected. If conception takes time, sex can begin to feel like a chore. Once pregnancy happens, especially in the first trimester, hormone shifts, nausea, fatigue, and fear of miscarriage can significantly decrease desire. For some, the second trimester brings increased desire due to hormonal changes and increased lubrication. For others, it does not. By the third trimester, discomfort, body changes, and fear of “hurting the baby” (even though that is unlikely) can again lower desire.
Then the baby arrives and another layer begins.
Postpartum: Where Intimacy Gets Complicated
Postpartum is often where intimacy feels most challenged. Sleep deprivation, physical recovery, hormonal shifts, breastfeeding, vaginal dryness, birth trauma, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, and the overwhelming mental load all play a role. Many clients describe feeling disconnected from their bodies. Some share feeling easily irritated with their partners. Partners may feel confused, rejected, or even jealous of the mother-baby bond. There can be financial pressure, role shifts, and a loss of couple identity. It is not uncommon for couples to feel like roommates rather than partners during this phase.
Understanding Stress and Libido
One myth that continues to show up is that women have lower sex drives than men. In Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski explains that desire is deeply influenced by stress and nervous system regulation. When someone is in a stress response, which is common during pregnancy and postpartum, desire naturally decreases. This is not dysfunction; it is biology.
Nagoski also describes the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire. During pregnancy and postpartum, desire is often more responsive. That means intimacy may require emotional safety, connection, and affectionate touch before desire builds. It may not begin with “I’m in the mood.” It may begin with feeling seen, supported, and emotionally connected. Removing pressure to perform can actually allow desire to slowly return over time.
It is also vital to acknowledge trauma. Birth trauma, infertility, pregnancy loss, medical trauma, or a history of sexual or childhood trauma can make intimacy feel unsafe. When trauma occurs, the body remembers. Avoidance can be protective. Healing requires patience, safety, and choice. Rushing intimacy can reinforce fear rather than rebuild trust.
Redefining Intimacy
Intimacy is not only sex. Intimacy can be kindness, laughter, flirting, hugging, cuddling, and affection without expectation. Especially in the postpartum period, rebuilding connection slowly and intentionally matters. You are not only learning who you are as a parent, but you are learning who your partner is in this new season as well. Slow and steady truly wins here. Rebuilding safety allows vulnerability, and vulnerability allows pleasure to return sometimes in new and meaningful ways.
Communication is one of the most important components. Asking each other, “What does sex mean to you?” can be eye-opening. For some partners, sex represents connection, reassurance, or closeness, not just physical release. Using language that expresses emotions rather than performance can shift the dynamic. Curiosity can replace pressure.
Support can also be a superpower. Perinatal mental health therapists, sex therapists, pelvic floor therapists, and couples therapists are valuable resources. Seeking support is not a sign of failure. It is a sign of care.
You are not broken. Your relationship is not broken. Pregnancy and postpartum are massive transitions physically, emotionally, and relationally. It makes sense that intimacy shifts too. Be patient with your body. Be gentle with your partner. And most importantly, be kind to yourself.
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Guest Author: Leah Wright, LCSW, PMH-C
Leah Wright, LCSW, PMH-C, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Perinatal Mental Health Therapist serving clients in PA and NJ. She specializes in women’s mental health, including perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, fertility challenges, pregnancy and infant loss, birth trauma, and supporting parents of children with special needs. Leah also works with couples to help rebuild connection and intimacy after baby. She is EMDR-trained and integrates CBT, DBT, ACT, somatic work, and self-compassion to create a warm, supportive, and effective therapeutic experience.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/selfcaretherapyandwellness/
Directory Link: https://directory.maternaltraumasupport.com/search/self-care-therapy-and.html
Leah Recommends: Come As You Are by Emily Nagowaski
About the Trauma-Informed Maternal Health Directory
Liz Gray, LCSW and Olivia Verhulst, LMHC, PMH-C— co-founders of the Trauma-Informed Maternal Health Directory— are clinical psychotherapists with a deep passion for increasing accessibility of trauma-informed care to the maternal health population.
They created this specialized directory to connect women & birthing people to trauma-informed health & mental health providers who specialize in infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, and new parenthood.
Search the directory: https://directory.maternaltraumasupport.com/
Interested in writing a guest blog post?
If you are a trauma-informed provider who works with the perinatal population, submit a blog proposal HERE!
Please make sure the article is original content that aligns with our values of safety, inclusion, transparency, collaboration, empowerment, and support.
