Finding Your Way Through the First Year After Pregnancy Loss
Written by Guest Blogger Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C
Pregnancy loss is more than the loss of a pregnancy. It is the loss of a future you had already started to imagine. It’s the loss of innocence, predictability, and control. The first year after loss can bring waves of grief, anger, sadness, and confusion that often catch you off guard. This article is for anyone living through that first year and for the providers who stand by their side.
The Emotional Landscape of the First Year
Grief after pregnancy loss doesn’t move in a straight line. It often looks more like a squiggly line that twists and curves, often unexpectedly. You might find yourself feeling deeply sad one minute, and then completely numb the next. One day you might feel consumed with self-blame, and the next day filled with anxiety about the future. There is no “typical” way that people grieve the loss of a baby. And there is also no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve.
Part of what makes this type of grief so difficult is that it is a form of disenfranchised grief. This is the result of a loss that is not recognized by others the same way that other losses are. Friends, family, and coworkers may not have even known that you were pregnant, and those who do may not know what to do or say. This silence can make grief heavier and more isolating.
Grief can also strain your relationships, especially if you and your partner are grieving differently. In some cases, one partner may want to talk about the loss, while the other may want to grieve privately. Other common emotions that may come up include jealousy toward friends and family who are pregnant and fear of trying again.
Overall, grief does not follow a neat set of stages. There is no specific timeline or schedule, and every journey is different.
Milestone Triggers Throughout the Year
Many loss parents find that certain dates intensify grief. Common triggers include:
Your due date or the date your baby was expected to arrive
The date of the loss itself, especially the one-year anniversary
Learning that other friends or family are expecting or being invited to gender reveals or baby showers
Holidays, especially Mother's Day and Father's Day
Physical reminders, like the return of your menstrual cycle, follow-up medical appointments, or seeing baby clothes and products
These triggers can come up without warning. A commercial on television, a smell, or a conversation can cause grief to come rushing back even months, or years, after the loss. Grief resurfacing is a common experience that many loss parents share.
Ways to Support Yourself Through the First Year
There is no single “right” way to grieve, but some approaches can help you move through the first year. As a psychologist who supports families through pregnancy loss, here are some things I discuss with my clients as they navigate this journey:
Honor your baby in a way that feels meaningful to you. Some people find comfort in journaling, creating a memory box, getting a tattoo, or acknowledging significant dates with a small ritual, like lighting a candle. Again, there is no “right” way to honor your baby. If there is a way that speaks to you, honoring your baby can help you maintain closeness to them and feel less isolated.
Build a support system. This can include a therapist who specializes in grief, a support group for pregnancy loss, or a few trusted friends and family who can sit with you without trying to fix how you feel. It’s normal to feel like you want to isolate yourself when you are grieving, but isolation tends to worsen these feelings.
Tell people what you need. There is often a disconnect between what loss parents need and what their support system thinks they need. Friends and family might incorrectly assume that you don’t want to talk about your baby or offer positive platitudes that feel dismissive. It can help to give loved ones specific language, like “It’s comforting to hear you say my baby’s name.” Friends and family often need to be told how to best support you.
Give yourself permission. Your grief journey is your own. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s and it doesn’t have to follow a timeline. Be careful to not compare your journey to anyone else’s.
Take care of your body. Sleep, gentle movement, and self-care are critical as you grieve. Lower the pressure to "bounce back.” Your loss has impacted you, and it takes time to heal.
Ask for professional help if you need it. If your grief feels stuck or if you are noticing signs of depression, anxiety, or trauma, a therapist who specializes in pregnancy loss can help. The Trauma-Informed Maternal Health Network offers a directory of trauma-informed providers who support individuals through all stages of parenthood, including parents grieving a loss.
A Note for Providers
Supporting a client or patient through pregnancy loss is an ongoing process. Here are a few practices that can make a lasting impact:
Avoid minimizing language, such as "at least it happened early" or "you can just try again."
Screen for mental health concerns on an ongoing basis, not just at the first follow up appointment.
Offer resources and referrals proactively, rather than waiting to be asked.
Remember that partners grieve too, but often in less visible ways.
Consider referring clients/patients to therapy or support groups as a standard part of care.
Small gestures make a huge impact, like acknowledging a due date, remembering a baby's name, or simply asking how someone is doing.
Moving Forward, Not Moving On
Healing after pregnancy loss is not about moving on. It’s about learning to carry the loss, which will always be a part of you, over time. For many, therapy and support groups become a part of this healing journey for months or years. None of this means that you are failing. It means that you are human, and you are allowed to keep healing for as long as it takes. If you have not yet reached out to a therapist, support group, or someone that you trust, this could be a good time to start.
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Guest Author: Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C
Dr. Emily Guarnotta is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified perinatal mental health provider. She owns Phoenix Health, a therapy practice that supports anyone experiencing infertility, pregnancy loss, and perinatal mental health concerns.
Website: https://joinphoenixhealth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_phoenix_health/
Directory Listing:https://directory.maternaltraumasupport.com/search/phoenix-health.html
About the Trauma-Informed Maternal Health Directory
Liz Gray, LCSW and Olivia Verhulst, LMHC, PMH-C— co-founders of the Trauma-Informed Maternal Health Directory— are clinical psychotherapists with a deep passion for increasing accessibility of trauma-informed care to the maternal health population.
They created this specialized directory to connect women & birthing people to trauma-informed health & mental health providers who specialize in infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, and new parenthood.
Search the directory: https://directory.maternaltraumasupport.com/
Interested in writing a guest blog post?
If you are a trauma-informed provider who works with the perinatal population, submit a blog proposal HERE!
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Pregnancy loss is more than the loss of a pregnancy. It is the loss of a future you had already started to imagine. It’s the loss of innocence, predictability, and control. The first year after loss can bring waves of grief, anger, sadness, and confusion that often catch you off guard. This article is for anyone living through that first year and for the providers who stand by their side.